NEW NEWS!

Heeeeey Everybooody!

GOOD NEWS! I got a new blog space. Its a little more advanced of a blog. I'm still working on it and I obviously dont have many posts yet, but more will come as soon as more free time comes!

Heres the link to the new space. Check it out:
www.anikaholtmagazine.com

Much love,

Kelly

Wanna Get Creative?

I do! I recently downloaded an application on my phone called Zite. Its like Pandora for Magazine/News/Blog articles. It...is... FANTASTIC. All I have to do is pick my favorite categories (global politics, graphic design, science, philosophy, ect.) and it will pull articles from popular blogs, newspapers, and magazines for me! Then I can "thumbs up" or "thumbs down" whatever articles I want to continually filter my personal magazine domain to my liking. Technology... blows my mind sometimes.

I was reading the Psychology & Mind section of my personalized Zite magazine this morning over coffee when I ran across this article:
http://www.wired.co.uk/magazine/archive/2012/05/features/the-new-rules-of-creativity


Take a few tips to tap into your creative mind from Wired Magazines article.

Con Amor,

Kelly 

Digital Sticky Note Inspiration!

I've had this quote sitting on a note on my desktop for MONTHS now as a little inspiring reminder. Now, I post it: 

This is your life. Do what you love, and do it often. If you dont like something, change it. If you dont like your job, quit. If you dont have enough time, stop watching tv. If you are looking for the love of your life, stop they will be waiting for you when you start doing things you love. Stop over analyzing, all emotions are beautiful. Life is simple. Every last bite. Open your mind, arms, and heart to new things and people. We are united in our difference. Ask the next person you see what their passion is, and share your inspiring dream with them. Travel often; getting lost will help you find yourself. Some opportunities only come once, seize the. Life is about hte people you meet, and the things you create with them. So go out and start creating. Life is short. Live your dream and share your passion.

Hope you enjoy it too!

Kelly 

Visual Identity Collages

        Ever since I got a new camera I've been playing with photography more, trying to figure out what my personal vision is and what images appeal to me, trying to discover how to have fun with photography and create something meaningful. Turns out, its incredibly difficult to NOT enjoy photography. Its a creative game that you play every time you pick up the camera and the possibilities are always infinite!

        For the past two months I've been trying to get all my friends to agree to a photo shoot so I can practice. It feels like I'm in middle school again trying to get my older sister to make a music video with me!  However, I did get a friend of mine (Vanessa) to agree to a photo shoot the other day. It was actually an impromptu decision to bring a camera on one of our walks on the trail behind my apartment. So, it wasn't exactly what I planned on (themed, organized with intention) but it was a good start.

Here are the two pictures from that day that I liked the most out of the (ooohh-say) 50 or 55 shots we took:

(Shot 1)
BEFORE:
This one was more or less posed. I told her to look at the flower. But I suppose no pose is ever really JUST a pose. The way one person decides to look at a flower will look different than how another chooses to. The shot itself isn't the best. The top of her head and feet is missing but I decided to photoshop it anyway because, as it turns out, I like the unusual framing of the shot. It adds an element of carelessness and the idea that something's missing... which is similar to the feeling I get from looking at it.

AFTER:

(Shot 2)

BEFORE:

I immediately liked this photo because it was one of the few photos that felt completely genuine and free-felt. No posing or acting. It was literally a captured moment. 

AFTER:

   

        See that's the thing I'm learning about photography... I must have taken 50 shots that day, but I only chose two of them to work with. Even though you may not realize it at the time, there are so many aspects of the environment and the model and framing, lighting, colors, that contribute to the overall look. It truly is an art to get it juuuust right! 

      Anyway, on top of the magazine, I'll be working on a personal photography project now as well. Vanessa handed me the idea the other day out of the blue! She decided she wanted a compilation of photos from different photo shoots to represent all of the different sides of her identity. She called it something like "all the 'hats' of ______ person." Something along those lines.... I don't like the word "hat" though. There is something else to be said about this project: taking different photos from separate photo shoots of one person, picking one from each shoot, and then placing them together like a timeline or collage of their different selves. Love it!!!

Cheers everyone! Hope your thursdays are magical! 

Kelly 

Anika

I've a Rebel Soul

        I've a rebel soul. What about you?

        There's been a bit of a delay in my blog posts the past 2 weeks due to the very cool South by Southwest (SXSW) music festival in Austin. This was my first year at the festival and I will never again miss out on the opportunity. It was phenomenal. I loved walking along the crowded streets, music around every corner, people laughing, networking, expressing themselves, wearing leotards, carrying music equipment, running into friends, making new friends. It felt like all the reasons I love Austin had come vibrantly to life... times 10. It was a blast and I have never felt more inspired pursue my passions and more self-assured that I am exactly where I need to be right now.

        On a different note, before my SXSW adventures I was planning on writing about the state of American politics. Lately I've been feeling incredibly perturbed by US politics and it has really led to the resurrection of the rebel inside me. I can't pull myself away from the news feeds and podcasts even though I'm continually disappointed by the absurdity and sheer hostile stupidity of some of our politics. Every passing day I feel less assured that my basic rights are being protected by our political system (especially as a woman), and every time I'm disappointed I feel more personal responsibility to produce change.
        Anyway, I was planning on writing a passionate blog entry about all my political opinions and the reasons behind them. However, now in lieu of SXSW I don't feel as inspired to voice all my frustrations. It occurred to me... most people I meet on the streets, even the more conservative folk, are not nearly as radical as some of this years presidential candidates and public figures. Now I find myself asking a rather concerning question: WHY are more and more political figures so radical in their politics? Why aren't they representing the majority of peoples interests? Are they even aware of what the average US citizen wants? Do they know what the average US citizen is? Voting used to be a method of peaceful political expression. Instead of protesting in the name of our opinions outside the White House we could select one person to represent our needs and have him campaign for our political opinions. Is that what everyone thinks is still happening? Occupy protests didn't just illuminate the economic issues we face, it demonstrated the inefficiency of our political system. I for one have lost faith in our systems capacity to represent my convictions and protect my rights. Radicalism, bipolar politics, lack of transparency, economic inequality, regressive political campaigns against women's rights to contraception (the most recent embarrassment to our politics)...
        I'm almost ashamed.

Check out THIS article though, I agree with it completely.

NOW, this blog is not normally a political blog... but I thought I'd write about politics because lately I've began to realize the effect politics has on my creative life. It has become a really big motivation for me to do the most I can in my own unique way to live according to my beliefs. It's brought forth what feels like a vintage rebel in me from the 1960's or 70's. It's given my work a whole new layer of significance.

I believe that people are completely capable of living according to their convictions- political, spiritual, artistic... whatever it may be. I think a key ingredient in living a fulfilled life is to have enough courage to do so. Especially if you're a creator, an artist. Why follow by example or shy away from doing something eccentric or "weird" because it's not the common method? Do it anyway. You're more likely to succeed when you create your own structure or method. Progress requires change and we all have the capacity to direct it.

Warm Regards,

Anika

Let Your Past Inspire You

        Speaking of blogs that inspire me, this morning I ran across my old livejournal from high school in Venezuela. Sometimes it's hard to recall how different you actually were 5 years ago until you see it in writing. I don't feel any different but I love stumbling across old photos, reading old journal entries, or- in this case- finding a lost blog. It reminds me to remain as energized, humorous and lighthearted about life as I used to be when I was a bit younger. It's also a really nice reminder of the strength of my old friendships and people I used to share my life with back then. It's also a helpful reminder to continually see the humor in life. I used consciously remember and record all the funny conversations I had with friends and family. It's a playful way to look at life in the present and really uplifting and motivating to read in retrospect. Humor is a great thing to live with, to share with others, and to bond over.
        Perhaps I'll resurrect this method of blogging and start writing a weekly funny occurrence on this blog too. More incentive to appreciate and enjoy life despite the busy, hectic schedules!

Some of the funny conversations I recorded on my last blog:
MAY 15th, 2005
Me: Hey dad, can I go over to alexs tomorrow after school?
Dad: I guess I don't mind
Me: Cool, could you write me a note?
Dad: ....what? why?
Me: So that I can ride home with him tomorrow...after school...

(gets paper and pen)

Dad: What am I supposed to say?
Me: Ummm...kelly can go home with alex the 16th, signed Greg
Dad: what?! fine! (starts writing..) Wha-wha....what am I supposed to say!
Me: what?...dad...
Dad: This is ridiculous! this is stupid... Well?
Me: Say kelly can ride home with alex! Why are you mad?
Dad: What?! HOW?! WHEN? WHERE? WHY? Who am I writing to, hmmm?
Me: DAD! its just a note they aren't even going to read intently...just sign it and be done, you dont have to be all formal...are you getting mad because you arent writing formal?
Dad: YES! (crumples up paper)

Me: Dad....(starts laughing) Ahem...
Dad: HERE! (hands me a new paper...)

Me: **cough...So...is it formal??
Dad: YES!
Me: (reads it) Oh yes...very formal...well written, good signature...
Dad: Thank you.

MAY 5TH, 2005
Me: OH! DAD! UGH! Guess what? I found a cockaroach right HERE! (points down)
Dad: Hm.
Me: So...betsy had to come over and take it outside...
Dad: What?
Me: It was hurt...so...I mean...it was going to die...
Dad: You put it outside? Did you kill it?
Me: ...it was hurt...
Dad: Its a cockaroach
Me: I can't kill them...and neither can betsy! It's going to die anyways!
Dad: No! When you see a cockaroach you kill IT!
Alex: Um....yeah
Me: But!
Dad: ITS A COCKAROACH!
Alex: I ate a cockaroach when I was small once, you know?
Me and dad: ....
(pause)
Me: ew

APRIL 24TH, 2005
Jen: "They had no chocolate at the cantina"
Me: "WHat?!? Not even the brown kind??"

DECEMBER 19TH, 2004
i flip wilson: see you around then
i flip wilson: trees and shades and marmolodes
i flip wilson: i dont know what that means
i flip wilson: plus i meant "marmolades"
BabyDoll6070: I dont care
BabyDoll6070: its sounds .....
BabyDoll6070: isnt that jam?

Jessica: If you rub my lower back I'll shake my leg like a dog.
A few moments later....
Me: What?

When playing cards I started to sing...
Me: Shoo bab shoo bab shee dooooo WOO! (pause) ... AAAAAaaaa weem ba wep a weem ba wep a weemba wep....A WEEEEEEEEEE-
Dad: Kelly, would you go put some music on.

OCTOBER 5TH, 2004
Me: the dog is annoying, rude, it has a personality and it gets...(takes a bite of mango)...I lost my words.
Mom: What?!
Dad: She's lost her mind
Me:(frowns and gnaws on mango seed.) I want to be a monkey.

(Pause)

Mom:...What?
Me: I want to be a monkey...
Mom:...anyways...

(Two Days Later After Reading my Blog Chelsea Says)
kokopelli135: kelly?
kokopelli135: ... i want to be monkey too


MORE ways to keep a fun, lighthearted state of mind:
Take and Online Quiz: I'm Gold! Which color are you?

Read the Gapingvoid.com by Hugh MacLeod. He puts a sweet comical spin on his life philosophies about everything from the economy to politics to following your dreams. His humorous displays and articulations of different life philosophies in his book "Evil Plans" is what initially awakened my desire to start Bridge Magazine. Bridge is my personal "Evil Plan."


Warm Regards,

Kelly

Blogging Tidbits and Inspiration

I was once friends with a girl in middle school who I kept up with on Facebook. She now has a GREAT blog set up and is a successful photographer. I keep up with her blog now and then to keep me inspired and motivated. Here are a couple of my favorite links to blogs I've stumbled across today that I found inspiring and motivational.

Here's to internet browsing! Enjoy:

- 12 Things Highly Productive People Do 

- Have Camera Will Travel
Love the quote: "Of course one dream that they all have involves the crazy notion that they can build a career and business out of what they are passionate about." 

- My 6th grade friends photography blog
Alex Beadon Photography

- Attention Surplus Podcasts on Passion

As Always- Warm Regards,

Kelly

State-side

The hardest thing about coming back to the U.S. after being overseas? Adjusting to a life less colorful. Although I was only gone for 2 weeks, it feels like a culture shock returning to the gray concrete streets and all the space; there's so much space between buildings, between people, in cars, in homes. Blah!
Anyway, I like to feel like I'm in a state of constant appreciation so I decided to remind myself of the reasons I should be grateful for where I am at this point.

Outside of a friends home at dusk:

Con Amor,

Kelly

Different and Similar How?

        Today, as I was trying to reconnect with my interest in Anthropology, I came across an article by Bell Hooks called "Voices and Visions." Within the first few paragraphs I was reminded of a conversation I had with my father in Cartagena, and the resulting observation I made about differences and divisions. I often wonder about difference, layers of separation, and unity.  How do sociocultural and gender differences shape a persons recognition of difference on a more metaphysical, emotional, spiritual or psychological level? Does the recognition of sociocultural differences becomes a catalyst for our inner capacity to believe that humans can be categorized by difference on a metaphysical, intrinsic level as well?
        The more idealistic side of myself likes to believe that despite any outer categorization (culture, race, ethnicity, gender, religion), people truly are equals in their most basic capacity to feel and think. In fact, the simple act of believing in this philosophy of inherent equality has made it easy for me to live with the same compassion and empathy that I believe every human is capable of.  However, my quest to live by this philosophy of 'indifference toward difference' has also made it incredibly easy for me to immediately notice a sense of differences in almost all of my interactions.
        Whenever I sense a disconnect I usually ask myself "why is there difference" instead of "what is the difference." Asking "why" enables me to look beyond sociocultural categories and brings me closer to discovering the true perpetrator of 'difference' that we've all sensed in our encounters. Essentially, I am trying to find a way to personally overcome the obstacle of difference by examining where and how we mentally draw lines of difference. After sensing the difference and asking myself why, I can wonder: is it language or ineffective translation? Is it an experience or a memory that captured the other persons attention and rendered them bias towards the topic at hand? Is is a memory or experience that reminds them to categorize me as a white, American, woman instead of the person that I am despite these attributes? I don't know... depends on the circumstance I suppose.


Let me draw you a mental roadmap to how I arrived at these thoughts.

(A Personal Memory)
        After a day of walking in the heat, the afternoon was settling into the old city in the form of cool, crisp, coastal breezes. My parents and I stopped in a popular plaza to drink Sangria and relax some more after a long leisurely walk through the city. As is a custom in the holt family (namely me and dad's dinner/drinks custom) we began a conversation about our thoughts reflections- this time on the Naval museum and the city in general. I started explaining to my dad what I thought about the rich history of the city and how the cramped European layout mixed with the afro-caribbean tropical setting mustered up a uniquely mysterious and poetic, yet humble and distinctly latin american vibe. I said to him that I could imagine why Gabriel Garcia Marquez was "inspired" by Cartagena and its history. He disagreed- and thus began our conversation about where writers gather their inspiration and stories.
        Although my dad initially disagreed with the notion that places can be a source of inspiration or act as a muse to a writer, as we continued our discussion I figured out that it wasn't the IDEA that he disagreed with... it was literally the word "inspire." When I initially used the word "inspire" to express the idea, dad disagreed. BUT, whenever I rephrased it, he decided that he did agree. He and I both grew up traveling, we're both writers, we both like to reflect on our experiences, all the short stories he's ever written were heavily place-based... I saw all the similarities and expected him to immediately agree with me. When he felt a difference between us it was only because of his adversity to the fluffy, idealistic approach to art that he associates with the word "inspire." Our characters are judged and differences are drawn by the words we use, even by the people who know us better than anyone else.

(Bell Hooks Excerpt from Voices and Visions)
"Writers are reluctant to speak about this subject because literary elitism engenders a fear that if we describe 'unseen forces' shaping our vision and the structure of our writing we will not be taken seriously. Women writers have been more willing than their male counterparts to speak of visions that serve as a catalyst for the imaginative process. When describing the process of writing The Color Purple, Alice Walker spoke of images appearing in her dreams, of voices, of spirits calling to her."
- Bell Hooks
     
        The other difference we may have experienced according to Bell Hooks' assumption is one between men and women writers. Could it be that my dad was less likely to respond to the word 'inspire' for the same reasons Bell Hooks believes men are less likely to use visions, dreams and surrealism as a source of artistic inspiration? I don't know... is there a biological difference between men and women that really does effect how a man or woman is moved or inspired by something? Or... is this difference we detect simply a result of a generation of men and women taught to believe and act according to socially derived gender roles? See what I'm saying here?
       In my dad's case... I don't believe it's biological. I believe his adversity to this writers "fluff" (lets call it) is a result of his experiences in life. Period.

        I know this entry has dragged on with my intricate ramblings but one more thought for the road: (also inspired by Voices and Visions)
If we think about writers in the past and where they drew their inspiration and the subject or nature of their stories/poems... I keep drawing a comparison... What really is the between the Romantic writers, the Beat poets, and the New Age writers (besides the obvious time period)? In a sense, they are all 'romantic' writers. The rise of the Romantic period in literature with poets like Shelley, Keats, and Byron was literally a reaction to the Industrial Revolution and the rise of rationality and science. These writers turned to nature as inspiration and wrote epic poems about the spiritual, emotional experience of pure, untamed nature.  The beat movement was also a type of renaissance regarding liberty, spontaneous creativity and non-conformity. It was about creating a new vision or counterculture in response to the structured, over rationalized culture that "beat" them down.

        Now... Bell Hooks is claiming: "new age writing describes circumstances where writers receive ideas mysteriously, rarely does anyone talk about the sustained link between spiritual practice and writing."

        I just find it interesting is all. The evolution of literature... writing... writers. The differences, the similarities....

More thoughts later.

Adios,
-Anika
     
       

Mas de Cartagena

Cartagena Por la Noche

At night Cartagena is lit up by old fashioned lanterns along the narrow cobblestone streets in the old city (walled city, historic district). The horsed carriages are only allowed to do business after 4 p.m., and they take up as much space as the cars and taxis filtering through the small crowded streets. Afro-Colombian dancers start to perform in the plazas wearing the 'traditional' green, yellow, and red costumes right around dusk. Some restaurants don't even open until 6 or 7 p.m. Cartagena comes alive at night.

Plaza Santo Domingo


One of my favorite plazas! This is where I spent most of my Valentines night talking with the friendly waiters, listening to drums and guitars, drinking beer, thinking about Gabriel Garcia Marquez and the many ways this city inspired him in two of his novels.

Plaza de las Coches
Another one of my favorite plazas. The plaza is right on the border of the walled city and all the carriages line up at night waiting for tourists. There's a few bars or discotecas located behind the horses too. The street I usually take to the plaza is lined with professional vagabonds who selling jewelry for travel money. I've always loved seeing people do that. Every time I see them out there I  feel like I've located my clan. Although my obligations in Austin means I'm forever displaced.




Shipwreck Diving
But first! Some beautiful underwater captures:

The very dangerous Stone Fish. Can everyone see it? It's easy to pick out the fin but the eye is a little harder to focus on. I only noticed it because of its fin. The Stone Fish is one of the more dangerous fish in the sea. Apparently they carry deadly venom in their fins and if it punctures you it can kill you. Luckily, they're not aggressive.

I don't know the official name, but its a flat fish we call "Sol" or a type of flatfish flounder. Another tricky catch that our fantastic dive guide Carlos pointed out. Its little eye balls are visible if you can pick them out.

My first kiss from a pucker fish!
=)








(Now the shipwreck, mis amigos)

Cannonball. Carlos handed me the cannonball and I immediately sank. Hand first, of course. It was a heavy little corroded beast of a cannonball.

Top of the Ship

Inside the deeper corridors of the ship there was a room with a pocket of air left in it. We surfaced for a bit just for fun. The air smelled of rust. 

I tried to take a few photographs while we swam through the sunken hallways but there was so much sediment in the water from the corrosion of the ship and it was so dark the pictures always came out black or murky. We swam down the into the lower decks, into a room, through a hallway and out the side of the ship. 

Beside the ship I suppose someone dropped a huge weight as a memorial of some sort. (Photo to the left) I don't know who the person is, but it seems they were a scuba diver as well. 

Three days left in Cartagena... not too pleased about leaving the city. I'm just now making friends and getting to know the city. Ah well! So it goes. More soon. 

Warm Regards!

- Kelly 

El Amor

Happy Valentines Day everyone. I never truly appreciated this holiday until Cartagena.

More pictures and thoughts tomorrow.

Peace and especially love,

Kelly

Fragments of an Anthropologists Perspective on Travel

"Really being somewhere means to be committed to a place rather than simply an observer." 

- Philip Sheldrake (Spaces for the Sacred: place, memory, and identity)

     So how does one adapt or truly commit to a foreign social landscape while embodying and carrying their separate identities and sense of place with them? I wonder.
    During my capstone research I got to know Anna Tsing's theories on Friction and intercultural encounters like the back of my hand. She believes that the word 'landscape' itself inherently implies human influence rather than "pure habitat." Likewise Sheldrake believes that there can be "no sense of 'place' without narrative." He also states believes that the "primacy of perception is ultimately a primacy of the lived body-- a body that... is a creature of habitual cultural and social processes." That is to say, in short simplified terms, our perceptions of 'other' places are perceived through the lens of our personal narratives, familiar places, ect. You get the point. (Hopefully. If not, I recommend looking into Sheldrake on sacred spaces.)

     Anyway, my personal theory runs parallel to Sheldrake. I believe (perhaps counterintuitively) that, truly 'being' somewhere does not mean you "make a mark" or impact the place in passing. We can impact a place or location by leaving a mark on a wall, gate, community for the rest of time. All it does is prove we were there physically. I envision "being" somewhere in a much more sentimental way. I believe a place becomes relevant when you transcend 'place' and encounter the 'space.' I think one can only experience a transcendence of physical location to this anthropological 'space' when the place transforms or impacts you. When you become impacted by your surroundings it grants you the metaphysical lens you need to finally examine your surroundings as a 'space' rather than just a physical location or 'place.' Do I make sense at all?

     I miiiight be bias but I also believe that the methodology of anthropological studies (if you employ ethical methods) requires you to practice this transcendence of geographical location. Anthropology calls for a non-biased participation in a place/community and although some intention (framework) is required, a lot of ethnographic study depends on spontaneity and immersion into the local narrative landscape. Effect, experience, discovery. 

Some Pictures of Cartagena:

Warm Regards Everyone!

Anika

Walking in Cartagena, Colombia

    For the next few weeks I'm gonna take a break from my regular artsy-abstract ponderings and freestyle my entries while I'm visiting Cartagena, Colombia.

     I've been in Colombia for the past three days and I've already taken over 200 photographs! In my defense, every book I've read on photography advises me to take more photos than I think I should. I usually take several shots of one scene or object. At this point I'm still trying to come up with a project for myself. For example, I could take pictures of different doorways and create a line-up of different doors. I could take groups of photos that represent a certain color and create Colors of Colombia... faces of Cartagena.
I'm not worried. At this rate, by the time 2 weeks rolls around I'll have enough photographs to make whatever I'd like.

Here are some of my favorites so far:

El Balcon:
This is the view from my dads apartment. In this picture you see the coastline. On the right side of the balcony is the bay where the Colombia naval base is located. Cartagena was one of the oldest surviving cities in Colombia (founded by the Spanish around 1533). As one of the major port towns in the Caribbean a lot of the gold that the Spanish collected from the Americas was filtered through the city on its way to Europe. No surprise! The city was constantly under attack by pirates. They built walls and forts along the city's coast and underneath the water they piled rocks to keep out unwanted pirates. There's only one safe way to enter the bay but even at that entrance they installed a thick chain that slaves would reel up to stop pirates from entering the bay at that location. The chain's still under the water in the entrance but I don't know if it's still functioning. I want to scuba dive the area!
Dad thinks there's still a few "scuba divers" searching for gold pieces and antiques around Cartagena's coast.

Castillo San Felipe:

Castillo San Felipe is one of the oldest and strongest fortesses built by the Spaniards during this time period. It has underground tunnels throughout the fortress for what I can only assume was for the distribution of resources and for escape or easy access to other parts of the fortress. We didn't buy a professional tour of the fort. Although there are lots of 'tour guides' trying to make some a little money off their knowledge of the place. The cannon to the left still has visible engravings on it- designs and the date. 

     The old town of Cartagena is really the place to be. Colored buildings, small streets, shops, plants, old architecture. The rushes of cool wind, block-style streets, lanterns and architecture are reminiscent of the European conquest of the city. However, the bright colored buildings, people, language and music are uniquely South American with an African blend. 

And the friendly TOUCAN! I love toucans... love. Probably took 10 photos of the toucan. 

More on Cartagena soon!

Peace everyone, 

Kelly

Photoshop Experiments

My very first Photoshop productions! I'm still a Photoshop apprentice but its a good beginning. I can't wait to see what else I can do with this program. It. is. AWESOME. =)

Tree Mirrors in Peace Park

Buddha's Flower

Witchy Night 

-Anika

Come Sail Away

Some notes on writing and motivation:

1. Yet again, on the perils of writing for the public. Something that I have to address now more than ever:

      In my very first blog I wrote about the difference between writing in a journal for private purposes and writing on a blog. The only reason I find it hard to write in my journal is because I have too much to say; so much so that sometimes I worry my hand will hurt by the end of the entry. On the other hand, when it comes to writing in my blog I sometimes feel like I have nothing to say that's worthy of of public reading. I also feel pressured to write formally for my blog with the knowledge that others will read it.  So, I neglect writing in Shangri-la until I know that my subject or writing is suited for public access. Seems logical right? I'm not quite sure. Lately I've been wondering- what is the real reason I find it difficult to commit this blog? Is it really for lack of an interesting subject? Or, is it really a fear of inadequacy that keeps me from writing?

     I believe that during any creative process, it becomes necessary to ask these questions about yourself. What inspires you, what motivates you, and what keeps you from achieving your goal? Asking these kinds of questions not only helped me understand what obstacles I face (self-made or otherwise), it also helped me understand the ways I subconsciously battle these obstacles. For instance, even as I struggle to do justice to my blog, I ironically decide to design and write an entire online magazine. Upon first glance it seems illogical of me to commit to writing a magazine every month when I struggle just to keep up with a blog. However, when I stop and consider the nature of my very ironic decision, it becomes apparent why I continue to pursue this magazine unvexed by the same fears that hinder my commitment to this blog. The answer is simple. You see, despite my efforts to separate the two, a blog really isn't that different from a journal. It's recreational and helps me organize my thoughts. The magazine, on the other hand, is a challenge. Now, come to think of it, challenges have always been a source of motivation for me. Despite the dampening nature that fear of rejection or failure poses on the pursuit of my own passions, the thrill of a challenge has always been far too powerful for me to resist. My whole life... I never thought that I liked being challenged until just recently when I realized there was no one left to challenge me. No professors, no parents. No Pico Humbolt on my dads adventure agenda, no 40-page capstone paper, no creative chore at the end of my moms list:

1. Wash the dishes.

2. Dust the staircase.

3. Clean the bathroom.

4. Dust the window panels.

5. Write a poem about a flower.

Now, as an adult, I have to challenge myself. I think I like it. =)

This brings me to my second topic.

2. Motivation and Muses

      When I graduated college last year I suffered from what I can only describe as boredom. Although, it felt more like a constant search for something. I consciously sought out intelligent people and good conversation. I started building goals, envisioning business strategies, mapping out possible futures, pursuing hobbies. At the time I assumed I was just looking for an escape route; a strategy to keep me from joining corporate America. However, in retrospect I was looking for a challenge or adventure.  Although every challenge we face in life presents different obstacles, the common denominator in every one of the challenges I've faced thus far is the thrill I get from it.
      I like to think of a "thrill" as a product of a friction between two internal forces: the force of desire (that which propels us or entices us to pursue it), and the force of mystery (that which inhibits our ability to predict the consequences of pursuing it). The mixture of the two forces results in something along the lines of anxiety and excitement. For me, it's like a soft electrifying force that strikes us when we stumble across an opportunity so good that it both stirs the emotions and evokes a fear of the unknown. The thrill comes in the exact moment when you dive into the cool, salty ocean after having stood on the pier for hours, looking back at the paved lit streets wondering whether to walk or sail away.

     Now... I wrote so much about the sensation of being thrilled because I think experience is a necessary component of the creative process. Thrills are produced by immense amusement something/someone/a situation, but like I previously noted, a thrill also implies a sense of fear. Its a fusion of the two most prominent yet opposing sources of human motivation: the desire to do and the fear to do. While it may be inevitable to avoid fear, its not impossible to overcome it. Moreover... the result of "friction" or "fusion" is supposed to be the creation of something brand new. It seems I'm slowly learning that when you are amused or inspired by something and decide to pursue it, you can't let the scary part of the thrill stop you from pursuing it. Nothing ever comes from fear but stagnation. Instead, view that a sense of uncertainty as a natural part of the process of creating something completely original. Appreciate its purpose in the process and sail away.

Anika